The [unofficial] Smithers' Love Song --> www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpcNDI…
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Mr. Burns: Bad corpse! Stop ... scaring ... Smithers!
Mr. Burns: So, Smithers, what are you doing this weekend. Something gay, I expect?
Mr. Burns: You know, light and fancy free! Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town!
Smithers: Oh! Of course.
Mr. Burns: This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
Smithers: You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
Mr. Burns: Nonsense! Dogs are idiots! Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what would you say?
Smithers: If you did it, sir?
[Smithers turns his computer on. A bitmapped Mr. Burns (shown naked from the shoulders up) appears]
Mr. Burns: [in stilted speech] Hello, Smithers. You're quite good at tur-ning me-on.
Smithers: [to Lisa] Um... you probably should ignore that.
Smithers: Oh my God, Mr. Burns is dead! (Starts crying) Why do the good have to die so young?
Smithers: Tomorow's you're birthday, sir.
Mr. Burn: Mm... i won't get what i really whant....
Smithers: No one does.
-Smithers imagines Burns half-naked popping out of a cake singing "Happy Birthday, Mr. Smithers!"
Smithers: -groans happily-
Smithers: (after Mr. Burns emerges from a basket) Why did you make an entrance like that, sir?
Mr. Burns: I'm a showman!
Mr. Burns: You see me as a god, right, Smithers?
Smithers: Absolutely, sir.
Mr. Burns: You'd kneel before me?
Smithers: Boy, would I!
Mr. Burns: (checking his stocks) Ah, right where I left off September, 1929 ... oh... oh no... Smithers, why didn't you tell me about this market crash?!
Smithers: Um, well...sir, it happened twenty-five years before I was born.
Mr. Burns: Oh, that's your excuse for everything!
Smithers: Look at all the wonderful things you have, Mr. Burns... King Arthur's Excalibur, the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain, and that rare first draft of the Constitution with the word "suckers" in it.
Burns: Yes, yes, yes. So what!
Smithers: You want your bear, Bobo, don't you?
Burns: Liar! I'll give you the thrashing of a lifetime! [flails his arms in weak attempt to hit Smithers] Resistance is futile!
Smithers: Ohh... WHAT THE HELL! [kisses Mr. Burns]
Smithers: Uh sir... about that uhh.... kiss from earlier. It was merely a sign of respect.
Mr.Burns: Yes Yes.... of corse... -stares at Smithers suspiciously-
Mr.Burns: Smithers!-- Remove my belt!
Smithers: -with much enthusiasm- With pleasure, sir!
Smithers: No sir... I failed you and I'll never forgive myself for it. NEVER! nevernevernevernever...-bangs his head on wheel-
Smithers: Oh! -- I don't deserve to live in your world anymore! -throws water jug and attempts to drownd himself in watercooler-
Burns: I dreamed about her again last night, Smithers. You know that dream where you're in bed and they fly in through the window?
Smithers: Mmmmm... [has the exact vision, with Mr. Burns flying straight through his window onto his bed.] You've been reading my wishbook, sir!
Smithers: I prepared a special musical number for Jack's special night.
Smithers: There is a man
Chorus: There is a man!
Smithers: A certain man
Chorus: A certain man!
Smithers: A man whose grace and handsome face are known across the land. You know his name
Chorus: You know his name!
Smithers: It's Mr. Burns
Chorus: It's Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He loves a smoke, enjoys a joke
Burns & Chorus: Ah ha ha ha!
Smithers: Why he's worth ten times what he earns.
Chorus: He's Mr. Burns!
Burns: I'm Mr. Burns!
Smithers: He's Monty Burns!
Burns: I'm Mr. Burns!
Smithers & Chorus: To friends he's known as Monty but to you it's Mr. Burns!
Mr. Burns: Well Smithers, I guess there's nothing left to do but kiss my sorry butt good-bye.
Smithers: May I, sir?
Mr. Burns: Excellent. Once again the wheel has turned and Dame Fortune has hugged Montgomery Burns to her sweet, perfumed bosom. Somebody up there likes me, Smithers.
Smithers: Somebody down here likes you too.
Burns: Balderdash. This is the silliest load of... [watches his kite] ...oh, look at it fly! Whee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Look at me, Smithers. [dark clouds gather ominously] I feel practically Superduperfragicalicexpiala-d'oh! [lightning strikes the kite and shocks Mr. Burns, knocking him on the ground] What's this strange sensation in my chest?
Smithers: I think your heart's beating again!
The plant melting down, Mr. Burns gets into escape pod and shuts Smithers out.]
Smithers: For the love of God, sir, there are two seats!
Burns: I like to put my feet up.
Mr. Burns: (watching Homer eating donuts on the security monitor; talking indirectly to Homer) Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poisoned donut. (Turns to Smithers) There is a poisoned one, isn't there, Smithers?
Smithers: No, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers. They consider it murder.
Burns: Smithers, for attempting to kill me, I'm giving you a five percent pay cut.
Smithers and Mr. Burns at the Casino]
Smithers: I'm afraid Robert Goulet hasn't arrived yet, sir.
Mr. Burns: Very well, begin the thawing of Jim Nabors.
Smithers: [holding a model airplane] We'll take the spruce moose! Hop in!
Smithers: But sir, it's just a mod--
Mr. Burns: [takes out a pistol] I said, "Hop in."
Mr. Burns: [Mr. Burns' film is being booed by the audience] Smithers, are they booing me?
Smithers: Uh, no! they're saying "Boo-urns, Boo-urns"!
Smithers: Sir, they may never be another time to say... I love you, sir!
Mr. Burns: Oh, hot dog. Thank you for making my last few moments on earth socially awkward.
[after selling the plant, Burns is clearing out his office]
Montgomery Burns: Now, Smithers, I know that you've always had your eye on this photo of Elvis and me.
Smithers: He was so good to his mother.
Montgomery Burns: Yes. But, you know, I couldn't understand a word that man said.
Montgomery Burns: "Mr. Burns..."
[mumbling and muttering]
Montgomery Burns: ...hound dog."
Smithers: [laughing] Stop it, you're killing me!
Montgomery Burns: Ah, lunchtime! Well, let's see what I've packed for myself today. One bullion cube... one Concord grape... one Philly cheese-steak... and a jar of garlic pickles! No one will want to kiss me after these, eh, Smithers?
Waylon Smithers: Well, it's their loss, sir.
Smithers: Sir, this can't be right! You assured me this drawing was rigged so we'd be teammates...
Mr. Burns: Yes, well, frankly you've been a bit of a pill lately.
Smithers: Why do we always fight on vacation...!
Smither obeyed his boss almost immidiantly.
"I whant you to stay here tonight." Burns told Smithers.
"Yes, sir." Smithers replied.
After a moments pause, Smithers said "On the couch in the palor, right?"
"No." Burns told him, his voice a raspy whisper "I whant you to sleep with me tonight."
Smither's heart fluttered, though his voice stayed firm as always "Of corse, sir."
Smithers slipped on the other side of the bed, staying in his suit.
Burns whipered his assistant's name before he drifted to sleep
"I love you."
Smithers blinked away tears from his eyes as he hugged the old man gently
"I love you too, Monty." " - From the fanfic Burn's Lament, Final Chapter by Tiny-angel-622
"Burns stared at Smithers for the longest of time, almost as if he could not comprehend what he had just told him. He glanced at John, who merely nodded to show it was true and Burns turned back to Smithers -- who kept a sullen gaze on his feet.
How could i be so stupid...? All these years.... and you never noticed.
The way he almost never refused to help him,
They way he smiled when he called his name,
The way his heart shattered when he fired him on occasonal times,
The way he kissed him on the day they believed was the last for Springfield.
He was always the first person to see in the morning, holding out breakfast and Bobo,
And the last at night, tucking him in at night and whispering promises of a new day before leaving." - From the fanfic Burn's Lament, Final Chapter by Tiny-angel-622
"When he had returned to Springfield from university he was already married to his
university sweetheart but the moment he saw Mr. Burns in his office he thought the man was marvellous and everything else seized to exist. His marriage deteriorated within a year.
He became fixated. His world revolved around him. And he wanted to think they were close even though he had fired him a few times before. Mr. Burns had done and said things to him that showed some kind of intimacy or dare-he-say friendship. Last month, for example, the old man smuggled drugs into the country to save him from certain thyroid death. Waylon knew that Mr. Burns could just let him die because he seldom cared about others. Yet he nearly called him irreplaceable and even gave him the kiss of life. A kiss, which made his lips tingle for days." - from the fanfic Revealed by preety-lady-serenity
""Smithers, how old am I?"
Smithers turned to look at him in puzzlement.
"How old am I?" Burns insisted.
"104 years old, sir."
"And you're forty if I'm not mistaken. Isn't that too much of an age gap?"
"I couldn't help it," Smithers blurted without thinking, "Plus I didn't care."
"I am a horrible old man."
"I didn't care!"
"My sexual drive is almost non-existent."
"I really didn't care!"
"I can't take you out on a date, or show you any sign of affection in public."
"I didn't care!" the younger man whimpered, raising his voice at the end.
"In work I will still be demeaning and call you all sorts of names."
"I didn't care!"
"Life is tiring. Some days I am exhausted before afternoon starts."
"I didn't care!" he almost screamed.
"I might die any second now."
"Well, I'm buried with you alive aren't I?" he snapped and stared away, shoving the tears away from his eyes. "As I said, I did not care about any of these details."" - From the fanfic Revealed by preety-lady-serenity
MORE QUOTES TO COME